So it's been a while since I've updated, and I feel like since then my life has completely changed. Since then I have become single, started enjoying life again, remember who I am, become closer with Christ, and realized what my purpose on earth is.
I'm so excited about life right now. A few nights ago, God opened an amazing door for me, and I am so thankful for it, I had no idea that He would give me an oppertunity like that. A few nights ago someone from high school that I was some what friends with, but not really texted me (I'm not going to give their name) and said they needed to talk to me about some stuff. Since we werent really close in high school, and I hadn't seen them since before we graduated, I had no idea what they wanted, or really how they got my number. Regardless I felt like it may be important so I agreed to go get coffee and talk. We get our drinks, and sit down and the first thing out of their mouth is 'What is this Jesus thing?' I was so shocked. Seriously, I didn't know much about this persons life story or anything, but I decided it was a safe guess that they had never set foot in a church, and had never been exposed to Christ. So I was like 'what are you talking about?' they asked again "What is this Jesus thing you're always talking about on facebook" Facebook...who would've thought God wouldve used facebook?! Anyways, I was like 'look, if you don't want to see it, I can take you off my friends list and we'll be done' Honstly I was hoping they would take this option because I honstly didnt want to be there, way to have my heart in the right place right? Then my second suggestion was 'but if you want to know more, give me 5 mins and I'll go get my Bible and we'll continue this converations'. I was told to go get my Bible...*insert jaw drop here* I was shocked! They actually wanted me to go get my Bible...I had no idea what to do, so I went and got it. The whole way to the car I was like "God, what are you doing to me? I have no idea what to do, what is wrong with you? Is this a sick joke?" I was absolutly terrified. I get back to the table, and go asked what they wanted to know. They just asked, who He was. I couldnt think...I had hundreds of words floating around in my head. After trying to get my words together, I just started spilling out words; Savior, Father, the healer, the great protector, the lion, the lamb, the resurector (spelling?), our saving grace, the great physician, etc...' They just looked at me...and a few seconds later go 'so what's this guys story? fill me in' so...I start in the old testiment, and just went through the beginning, basic stories, his early works, etc... then we hit the new testiment and I explained how the new testiment is pretty much the basis for my entire faith, how this is the story of his miracles, the crucifiction, everything. It was where you learn to develope, and keep your faith. So we talked about those things for a while, and they ask what the 'ultimate deal' was... because it 'sounds like youre just trying to make a deal with this guy' and I accidently laughed (I honstly didnt mean to, it just sorta slipped out) So I explained. "You're not 'striking a deal' with God, He's giving you a choice. You have to make a decision, to either be a goat or a lamb. If you choose to deny Christ, then you're a goat. If you choose to follow Christ, you're a lamb. At the end of times, when you're standing before God, he will either say 'depart from me you evil doer I never knew you' and you will spend an eternity in Hell. Or, he will say 'well done, good and faithful servant, enter' and you will spend an eternity with King Jesus in Heaven. That's the choice. God made us all for Him. To love him, to serve, to worship, to praise, to honor, to give our all to him, everything. He give us a choice, free-will. We can accept him, and take our cross and follow him, dying to self daily to serve Him. Or we can ignore Him, and never accept him.' They asked, why all of that for people? So then I got to the awesome part of Jesus Christ...His love! I asked them to tell me the most horrible, worst thing theyve ever done (that they were willing to share, it wouldnt leave between us). They told me something and my response. 'He loves you anyways. See, thats the beauty of Christ, he is a loving Father that knows exactly what you did, as awful as it was, and loves you more than anyone you know. More than your parents, grandparents, best friend, anyone. He loves you so much that he sent his son Jesus die a horrible, painful death that we can only begin to imagine, just for you specifically, and me specifically. If you were the only person in the world he wouldve done it still, just so you could have the option of spending eternity with him. The only way to cover sin is with blood. In the old testiment, they had to make animal sacrifices, so cover their sins. Now, we just simply pray, becuase God made the ultiamte sacrifice and shed His sons blood for all humanity. He loves us that much. Us...horrible, wretched, disgusting, worthless excuses...and yet some still choose to not accept him. After everything we do, he still says 'its ok, I love you anyways.' And we have the audacity to deny Him. In my opinion, it only makes sense to accept Christ, I mean someone loves me that much...me? Of course Im going to try to attempt to live for Him. Now granted it will never work, because I could never possibly earn his love. The awesome thing...he gives it. Freely, graciously, and wants to give it. So since I know I cant earn it, Im going to try my best to live for Him, and attempt to make Him happy, and serve Him. Yeah Im going to mess up, Im human, I cant help but mess up. But if I try my best every day, and accept Him, then I know that when my time comes He will look at me and say 'well done! Good and faithful servant, enter in' and honstly, that is the most amazing give I know of" After my...probably 15 min spill, they just looked at me and were like 'wow, thats intense' we just sat there, drinking coffee, and staring at each other. I ask 'so, you have a choice, to deny or accept. He gives you free will, to do what you want, and Im not pressuring you to make a decision, because this is a life altering decision, but I do ask you to really think about it.' I then gave them one of my friends number, they have alot in common, and my friend is a reallyy strong Christian, so I figured they could talk and they could help them with any other questiosn they have.
Honstly, that whole conversation I was soo nervous. I had no idea what to do or say. I just kept praying 'lord dont let me screw this up' The kicker to this whole thing is, a few weeks ago I took a facebook quiz and it was What are your Spiritual Gifts, I took it kind of haphazardly, and got 'evangelism' immedately (my spelling is horrible tonight, im sorry) i was like nope, not me, no way, im no billy graham, no way no how...I think God was trying to prove a point. But seriously, that was a life altering meeting. Honstly changed my life. Gods trying to tell me something...Hes been trying to tell me something, and I guess Ive just been to stubborn to listen...no, not guess, I have in fact been to stubborn and trying to live for myself instead of Him. So I duno, we'll see what comes of it. It was an awesome experience, I hope I get another one, I pray I get another one, it was awesome. I know I'll be more prepared, and ready to share. I pray with all my heart I get another oppertunity. I always wonder why God gives us these oppertunities, like why certain people get them. Like...why me? What did I do, to get that kind of awesome oppertunity? Im not complaining, quite the opposite actually. When I got home, after telling my mom, of course. I went to my room, and literally fell to my knees and prayed, saying thank you. Thank you for that oppertunity. Since then (only been a few days) my prayer has been for Christ just to explode out of me, I want everyone to be like 'man that Stephanie girl, shes got somethin. I duno what it is, but shes got somethin all right, and man is it awesome. I want that. I want what shes got. I want to be like Job, comparable anyways. In everything, I want to praise God. No matter how horrible my life is I want to be on my knees saying 'thank you father for giving me these obstacles, cause I know I will come out of them stronger in you than I was before'
Ive also been praying for a while know, but am taking it more into serious consideration, the concept and idea of seminary for M.Div Edu. Its what my moms going for, and it had never occured to me until I started working in childrens church, and the childrens program at church. I love it...honstly love it, I cant think of a better full time job than coming up with new ways to teach kids about Jesus. The ultimate job would be at Lifeway which is a christian production company, they do things like VBS, that would be amazing. But I guess, for right now I should focus on whats going on now, and just continue praying about the future. Now I just need to pray and find out where to go for undergrad, I have no idea to be completely honest where I want to go. Obviously, UNC would be #1 butttt Im thinking that wont happen. My best bet is to pray and go from there.
I feel like Ive come along ways this summer. Breaking up with Alex (as horrible as it sounds) was the best thing that ever happened to me. It really put things into perspective for me...I was way to into that for my age, I wasnt ready. But now I know. Im just kinda taking life as God gives it to me these days, I figure I'll stay into Him for a while, dance with Him, and when Hes ready for me to date someone, He'll let them cut in and take the lead. Im also really reading into what it means to be a woman in Christ. Proverbs 31 has been on my heart alot lately, the super woman. The ultiamte christian woman and wife. Ive also been into ephesians 5 and Titus 2 where it talks about what kind of man to look for, and how marriage is the repleca of the church. No I dont want to get married soon, but its always something to be praying about, and thinking about. If your heart isnt in the right place, how can you expect to be where God wants you? So for now, I'll just stay focused on Him, do my best to live for Him (and most likely fail miserably) and see what it brings.
In the mean time, I hope this speaks to someone, anyone really. And if you actually read all that...you may want to go get a hobby =P Kidding, kidding. Hope everyone is having a good summer.