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How our country let some into office who is going to bulldoze a bill that the American people do not want?!

He CANNOT force me and my family to have health care! If I want it I'll get it, if I don't, I won't!

Learn to take action for your responsibilities! If you don't have health care, you should pay for that!! It's not MY fault! Don't make ME and MY family work so you can be a lazy bum and a disgrace to American society!

Now I am completely aware that there are situations beyond peoples control, and for those LEGITIMATE times, I think we should do something, and I have no problem with that. But for the lazy, no good, worthless people they shouldn't be covered for health care with MY money! This is what happens when you let incapable people into government!

The general consensus of the public is that they DON'T want this!

I want to CHOOSE MY doctors and MY health care! This is taking MY voice away! How can the government know what is best for the country?! Unless they are all doctors, how can they tell me what kind of health care I do or do not?! Please...Explain

Those who cannot take generic drugs because they are allergic to them, what are they supposed to do?! Die because of an allergic reaction to drugs?! RIDICULOUS!! Absolutely, completely and totally RIDICULOUS!!

This is NOT okay! How blind can people be?! Please...I don't understand how the American people could have been so BLIND when they voted the "President" into office!! He DOESN'T listen! The Democratic leaders DON'T listen to the people!

I did NOT vote for this president, and I did NOT vote for this bill! Those of you who did vote for the President, this is YOUR fault, completely and totally. You now have no one else to blame but yourselves! He said he would do this and guess what...HE DID! Now what?!

Michael Steele is partnering with other republican leaders to repeal this bill...I pray with passion, and fervor that this works.

Please...Someone who is for this bill explain what is going to happen to my grandparents, who are BOTH allergic to generic drugs. Considering that is all that this bill is going to be giving, what are they supposed to do? Huh? Die because the GOVERNMENT took away their ability to get name brand drugs?! There are thousands upon thousands of people who are allergic to generic drugs, so what is going to happen to them? My family works hard for what they have, we have health care that fits US, this bill will NOT cover us like we need!

I will give the President credit, he said he would put in a health care reform, and he has, but this is NOT what the people wanted.

So way to go America, for voting in a President (by 60%) who put into an action a health care plan that you did not want

Way to go Congress, for not listening to the American people...

I pray to God for everything that is about to happen in this country.

Here's the thing...I am an American. I WANT to support my government. I don't understand this bill at all, I don't understand how this could have passed, when it is against the CONSTITUTION!! It is against the LAW OF THE LAND! How can they do this?!

I am afraid of my government. As an American citizen I should NOT be afraid of my government. I should feel protected, and safe under the rules and laws that are passed. Right now I feel nothing but weak, sad, helpless, and scared.

I AM officially going to law school and I WILL be involved in politics, whether that be by being a Senator, a Congresswoman, or something. I WILL do my best to keep things like this from happening EVER again. Whatever it takes.
I really wish I knew what I was supposed to do with my life. Like, I could look in a crystal ball and see where I'm going to be 5 years from now. That would be fantastic. I feel like I've always wanted to be a teacher. Never anything else. Granted the subject has changed from music to history, and from high school to elementary then back to high school, but in general I have always wanted to be a teacher. I officially don't have that desire anymore. And it makes me sad, it's been like 2 weeks but I haven't wanted to be a teacher. Maybe it's because none of my classes this semester are useful (they're for elementary education, and I'm secondary). Or maybe I'm just not trying, I'm not really sure what it is. I've been thinking recently about going to law school, but I'm not sure if a) that's what I want to do or b) if I could do it. I mean...it's a lot of work. A lot. I feel like I would get discouraged very easily, and that's not exactly something you can afford to do with law. The LSAT is an intense test in and of itself, so I'd have to get over that mile stone anyways. From the looks of it, it's the SAT on steroids and crack. I'm not exactly sure how it'll work out, but it almost has to...I think. I guess it doesn't have to work out. I mean...most of my life things haven't worked out like I think they should, or like I wanted them too, but they did. Maybe I'll give it a shot. I have about a year and a half to prepare for the LSAT so maybe I'll study for that (on top of everything else) and get an education degree, then go to law school if I get in That way if law school turns out to be a bust, I'll teach. Not exactly sure if that's how deciding a career works, but I think that's how I'm going to do it.

I've been spending a lot of time at Port City Java, which as a result I've been spending quite a bit of money, but I feel bad going in and not getting anything. Granted the amount of money I spend here over the course of a year could potentially pay the buildings rent, I still feel bad. That's actually an exaggeration, but the concept remains. I feel like it's the only place I can study lately, but maybe that's because I've put up a mental block to all other places. I actually have been studying more this semester than I have in semesters past. My schedule doesn't allow me much free time...Like right now. I should be doing some reading for my 131 class, but I just can't bring myself to do it since I went ahead and did the assignment. And instead of watching the Olympics like I do every night, I should read and stuff, but again. Just can't bring myself to do it. On the plus side Port City Java isn't crowded, and my Strawberry Italian Ice is fantastic =)

I've also been watching the Olympics lately, and it seems that there have been more crashes, falls, and the like made more this year than in years past. I also feel like the US shouldn't have a curling team. Don't get me wrong, I love curling (in fact I'm quite obsessed) but it's ridiculous how poorly we are doing. Our skip is useless, I mean...He was the alternate on the bronze team 4 years ago...So why is he our skip again? Exactly. I have the same birthday as Pyls though which is pretty exciting... He's obviously older, so not quite as cool as if we were the same age, but still cool. I'm listening to the Team USA Soundtrack, and at least some of them have a good taste in music. Some of them however...3 Doors Down, I mean...really? Yuck. They listen to a lot of Honor Society, which is a fantastic band so go Team USA hah.

A lot has happened since I last updated, and in general I'm staying incredibly busy. However, I think I'm actually going to get back to studying.

I hope everyone is doing well. I never talk to anyone, but at any point someone would like to/is available to play catch up, I would a)love the distraction and b)love to hear from you =)
Much love,
Dear World War III

 Thank you for visiting my house. You have single handedly made it near impossible to live in my house. I would appreciate it if you would move else where, because I'm tired of being miserable in my own house.


So that's how my house pretty much feel right now in my house. I mean, I know its Satan cause my moms going back to school and all, but its just frustrating cause she's doing the right thing and he's trying to stand in the way, making life difficult and frustrating. I feel like everything is going to just explode soon here. Donald's temper has gotten worse and worse, and everyday I feel like there's so much tension between them and then its just going to let loose soon. I don't want to be around when it happens though, I do know that. I know that God has a plan in all of this, but I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I know I have to be patient, and wait for His timing, but its so hard. I guess there is a lesson in this for all of us. For me, its a patience thing. I have a hard time waiting for God to show me what He wants, and I need to stop that.  Espically if I plan on going into Christian Education, I need to know what His will is and not mine. I obviously know what I want, but I need to listen to what He wants, and be sensitive to His plan.

I haven't finished my homework yet... So I'm getting back to that now.

Much love,

So it's been a while since I've updated, and I feel like since then my life has completely changed. Since then I have become single, started enjoying life again, remember who I am, become closer with Christ, and realized what my purpose on earth is.

I'm so excited about life right now. A few nights ago, God opened an amazing door for me, and I am so thankful for it, I had no idea that He would give me an oppertunity like that. A few nights ago someone from high school that I was some what friends with, but not really texted me (I'm not going to give their name) and said they needed to talk to me about some stuff. Since we werent really close in high school, and I hadn't seen them since before we graduated, I had no idea what they wanted, or really how they got my number. Regardless I felt like it may be important so I agreed to go get coffee and talk. We get our drinks, and sit down and the first thing out of their mouth is 'What is this Jesus thing?' I was so shocked. Seriously, I didn't know much about this persons life story or anything, but I decided it was a safe guess that they had never set foot in a church, and had never been exposed to Christ. So I was like 'what are you talking about?' they asked again "What is this Jesus thing you're always talking about on facebook" Facebook...who would've thought God wouldve used facebook?! Anyways, I was like 'look, if you don't want to see it, I can take you off my friends list and we'll be done' Honstly I was hoping they would take this option because I honstly didnt want to be there, way to have my heart in the right place right? Then my second suggestion was 'but if you want to know more, give me 5 mins and I'll go get my Bible and we'll continue this converations'. I was told to go get my Bible...*insert jaw drop here* I was shocked! They actually wanted me to go get my Bible...I had no idea what to do, so I went and got it. The whole way to the car I was like "God, what are you doing to me? I have no idea what to do, what is wrong with you? Is this a sick joke?" I was absolutly terrified. I get back to the table, and go asked what they wanted to know. They just asked, who He was. I couldnt think...I had hundreds of words floating around in my head. After trying to get my words together, I just started spilling out words; Savior, Father, the healer, the great protector, the lion, the lamb, the resurector (spelling?), our saving grace, the great physician, etc...'  They just looked at me...and a few seconds later go 'so what's this guys story? fill me in' so...I start in the old testiment, and just went through the beginning, basic stories, his early works, etc... then we hit the new testiment and I explained how the new testiment is pretty much the basis for my entire faith, how this is the story of his miracles, the crucifiction, everything. It was where you learn to develope, and keep your faith. So we talked about those things for a while, and they ask what the 'ultimate deal' was... because it 'sounds like youre just trying to make a deal with this guy' and I accidently laughed (I honstly didnt mean to, it just sorta slipped out) So I explained. "You're not 'striking a deal' with God, He's giving you a choice. You have to make a decision, to either be a goat or a lamb. If you choose to deny Christ, then you're a goat. If you choose to follow Christ, you're a lamb. At the end of times, when you're standing before God, he will either say 'depart from me you evil doer I never knew you' and you will spend an eternity in Hell. Or, he will say 'well done, good and faithful servant, enter' and you will spend an eternity with King Jesus in Heaven. That's the choice. God made us all for Him. To love him, to serve, to worship, to praise, to honor, to give our all to him, everything. He give us a choice, free-will. We can accept him, and take our cross and follow him, dying to self daily to serve Him. Or we can ignore Him, and never accept him.' They asked, why all of that for people? So then I got to the awesome part of Jesus Christ...His love! I asked them to tell me the most horrible, worst thing theyve ever done (that they were willing to share, it wouldnt leave between us). They told me something and my response. 'He loves you anyways. See, thats the beauty of Christ, he is a loving Father that knows exactly what you did, as awful as it was, and loves you more than anyone you know. More than your parents, grandparents, best friend, anyone. He loves you so much that he sent his son Jesus die a horrible, painful death that we can only begin to imagine, just for you specifically, and me specifically. If you were the only person in the world he wouldve done it still, just so you could have the option of spending eternity with him. The only way to cover sin is with blood. In the old testiment, they had to make animal sacrifices, so cover their sins. Now, we just simply pray, becuase God made the ultiamte sacrifice and shed His sons blood for all humanity. He loves us that much. Us...horrible, wretched, disgusting, worthless excuses...and yet some still choose to not accept him. After everything we do, he still says 'its ok, I love you anyways.' And we have the audacity to deny Him. In my opinion, it only makes sense to accept Christ, I mean someone loves me that much...me? Of course Im going to try to attempt to live for Him. Now granted it will never work, because I could never possibly earn his love. The awesome thing...he gives it. Freely, graciously, and wants to give it. So since I know I cant earn it, Im going to try my best to live for Him, and attempt to make Him happy, and serve Him. Yeah Im going to mess up, Im human, I cant help but mess up. But if I try my best every day, and accept Him, then I know that when my time comes He will look at me and say 'well done! Good and faithful servant, enter in' and honstly, that is the most amazing give I know of" After my...probably 15 min spill, they just looked at me and were like 'wow, thats intense' we just sat there, drinking coffee, and staring at each other. I ask 'so, you have a choice, to deny or accept. He gives you free will, to do what you want, and Im not pressuring you to make a decision, because this is a life altering decision, but I do ask you to really think about it.' I then gave them one of my friends number, they have alot in common, and my friend is a reallyy strong Christian, so I figured they could talk and they could help them with any other questiosn they have.

Honstly, that whole conversation I was soo nervous. I had no idea what to do or say. I just kept praying 'lord dont let me screw this up' The kicker to this whole thing is, a few weeks ago I took a facebook quiz and it was What are your Spiritual Gifts, I took it kind of haphazardly, and got 'evangelism' immedately (my spelling is horrible tonight, im sorry) i was like nope, not me, no way, im no billy graham, no way no how...I think God was trying to prove a point. But seriously, that was a life altering meeting. Honstly changed my life. Gods trying to tell me something...Hes been trying to tell me something, and I guess Ive just been to stubborn to listen...no, not guess, I have in fact been to stubborn and trying to live for myself instead of Him. So I duno, we'll see what comes of it. It was an awesome experience, I hope I get another one, I pray I get another one, it was awesome. I know I'll be more prepared, and ready to share. I pray with all my heart I get another oppertunity. I always wonder why God gives us these oppertunities, like why certain people get them. Like...why me? What did I do, to get that kind of awesome oppertunity? Im not complaining, quite the opposite actually. When I got home, after telling my mom, of course. I went to my room, and literally fell to my knees and prayed, saying thank you. Thank you for that oppertunity. Since then (only been a few days) my prayer has been for Christ just to explode out of me, I want everyone to be like 'man that Stephanie girl, shes got somethin. I duno what it is, but shes got somethin all right, and man is it awesome. I want that. I want what shes got. I want to be like Job, comparable anyways. In everything, I want to praise God. No matter how horrible my life is I want to be on my knees saying 'thank you father for giving me these obstacles, cause I know I will come out of them stronger in you than I was before'

Ive also been praying for a while know, but am taking it more into serious consideration, the concept and idea of seminary for M.Div Edu. Its what my moms going for, and it had never occured to me until I started working in childrens church, and the childrens program at church. I love it...honstly love it, I cant think of a better full time job than coming up with new ways to teach kids about Jesus. The ultimate job would be at Lifeway which is a christian production company, they do things like VBS, that would be amazing. But I guess, for right now I should focus on whats going on now, and just continue praying about the future. Now I just need to pray and find out where to go for undergrad, I have no idea to be completely honest where I want to go. Obviously, UNC would be #1 butttt Im thinking that wont happen. My best bet is to pray and go from there.

I feel like Ive come along ways this summer. Breaking up with Alex (as horrible as it sounds) was the best thing that ever happened to me. It really put things into perspective for me...I was way to into that for my age, I wasnt ready. But now I know. Im just kinda taking life as God gives it to me these days, I figure I'll stay into Him for a while, dance with Him, and when Hes ready for me to date someone, He'll let them cut in and take the lead. Im also really reading into what it means to be a woman in Christ. Proverbs 31 has been on my heart alot lately, the super woman. The ultiamte christian woman and wife. Ive also been into ephesians 5 and Titus 2 where it talks about what kind of man to look for, and how marriage is the repleca of the church. No I dont want to get married soon, but its always something to be praying about, and thinking about. If your heart isnt in the right place, how can you expect to be where God wants you? So for now, I'll just stay focused on Him, do my best to live for Him (and most likely fail miserably) and see what it brings.

In the mean time, I hope this speaks to someone, anyone really. And if you actually read all that...you may want to go get a hobby =P Kidding, kidding. Hope everyone is having a good summer.

Much love,

Im currently watching a couple help this lady who fell  Ithink. I didnt actually see her fall but she was sitting on the ground when I looked her direction, and a couple just walking down the street help her up and gather her things. I really like seeing things like that, no not ladies falling but people being nice and helping others. That couple could have easily just walked around her, but they didnt. I guess there is still a little humanity left in the world today. Good to know. I really like the port city java on the corner of front street, its my favorite. I always have the same seat, next to the same person. All semester. I like my seat. When you walk in, its the first table by the windows on your left. I like having two windows through which to look out, both views pretty similar, of a crosswalk and buildings, but theyre still so different. The people that walk through my view I guess is what intrest me so much. No Im not a creepy stalker, but I like to watch people. What theyre wearing, what theyre carrying, their facial expressions, body language, what theyre doing. I find it so interesting, I dont know why. I guess Im just a people watcher. I could seriously sit here all day and do this. I wonder if theres a job for that? I'll look into it. I also really like my seat because not only have I become a fixture in the Port City Java but so has this person. He's here more than I am I think. We talk a little bit, but not much. Hes always typing something, and always has atleast 2 books with him. Ive never asked what he's typing, but he looks like he could be in grad. school. Im not sure. I dont know why Ive never asked, maybe I should. I also really like seeing the people sitting outside the coffee shop, theyre usually business-y people who read the paper. Either that, or beatnik looking with a small black coffee and the latest edition of Jack Kerouac, or John Sinclair poems... Sorry, that was really sterotypical, Ive got to stop doing stuff like that. But sometimes I just feel like its so true, and they really bring it on themselves. But then again whatever sterotype I have Im sure I brought it on myself, so what can I do?

I have alot I wanted to say, but I spent most of my time already just reading the news. It makes me so sad, Ive read stories about fires, and child abuse, and PETA throwing (yet another) ridiculous fit over nothing, and just a bunch of stuff that's really sad. And thats just in America, I didnt even hit world news. Im not really sure I want to, to be completely honest with you. When did the world basically go to hell? Has it always been like this or is it just a recent occurance? Yesterday morning when I was working out, the CNN 6am news came on, do you know what the first 'big story' was? Obama and his wifes 'date night' Im not kidding, why is that big news? Who cares? Theyre married, its assumed they'll do date night. He is far to informal to be president,seriously, fist pounding his wife before a speech, gay. Yes a president is supposed to be 'down to earth' if you will, enough to relate to the common man, but this is his job, please be a little more professional sir. And, while Im on the subject. Why was his family and theyre new dog front page news last month? Honstly, they're just covering up for the fact that he's not doing his job. The only thing I can see he is doing is putting some mileage on the AF1 (wasting gas, way to go) to try and convince other countries that hes Gods gift to the American economy and crap. Shockingly enough hes not convincing anyone. In his ~100 days of office he has spent more money than all of our past presidents combined...I mean, thats not hard to believe considering his inauguration costed more than 1billion dollars. Way to go sir, take that money that America doesnt have and spend it on a party to have people like Jay-Z and whoever else sing. Brilliant....idiot. I feel like I have a right to complain, 1 he wasnt my vote, I voted McCain/Palin. Granted my first choice was Huckabee but he dropped out for some reason. 2 I gave him a chance I tried very hard to criticize him the first 100 days. I gave him til the 'first 100 days report cards' came out. But after that, I feel like I can becuase he had that chance and time and time again blew it. He is continuing to blow it in my book... Since I can only imagine how many people will probably freakout about this, I'll stop. That and I dont feel like getting myself worked up over a stupid man... I'd really prefer to call him something else, but again, not going to get worked up.

This will be finished later, cause I want to talk about the book Im reading, and Bible study from last night

Much love,
I picked up shagging again after almost 5 years. I'm amazed, I literally have forgotten how to do everything!! I signed Alex and I up for a month worth of lessons once a week down at Wrightsville beach. The couple teaching it looked really familiar but anyways. They only went over the basic triple and double but Im so awful now Im really glad thats all they did. I literally cant do anything besides that and 1 turn. How sad. Anyways, its alot of fun still and Alex seemed to have alot of fun.

Tuesday night Im going dancing with Kyle Doss down at the Carolina lounge on Market if anyone is interested in coming, Kyle and I can teach you the super basics. =)

Im actually worried Kyle will show me up for once, afterall he's been dancin in Raleigh. Lucky.

Anyways, I have to get up super early, hopefully I'll remember to finish this tomorrow.

Much love,
So... that last post was quite a doosy, sorry about that. To anyone who actually read it, you're insane...Anyways, I just finished typing a paper for my jazz class, and now I don't have anything to do until noon. Ahhh, this feels nice. I have 8 days of class left in my first year of college...man, where did the time go? Seriously, it doesn't feel like I've been out of high school for almost a full year. I actually have stuff to do now that I think about it, but I really don't want to deal with it. I'm planning on transferring after next year, but I have no idea where to. Obviously I want to go to Carolina, but after last semester I'm not sure if I have the grades. I probably don't, but who knows. At the end of last semester I had a 2.3 GPA...that sucks. Considering I have 2 D's I guess I shouldn't be dissapointed with a 2.3, granted I should be dissapointed with the 2 D's and I am, but the fact that I didn't flunk out should make me pretty happy. Maybe they will take into account that it was my first year, and I tried to take 18 hours of class because, that doesn't sound like alot. I mean, if you think about it the whole 'how many hours' you take is a very misleading concept. I have a total of 25 earned credits, and 59 total grade points...whatever that is. So I technally only need this semester and I have enough credits to transfer to most 4-year universities, considering all the ones I have looked at only want 30 hours of transferrable credit. So if all my classes transfer (which we know they wont, its just a fact) I shouldn't have a problem on that front... I'm not sure if that just made sense. Actually I just looked at the transfer things for UNC and for NC State (shh thats a major secret, in my house, thats an awful idea) and I actually should be competitive at NC State... at UNC, eh we'll see I guess. I mean, seriously, what's the worst thats going to happen, I get denied? Oh well, it won't kill me I'm sure. Anyways... I always hate skipping my theory class because my jazz class is right after it 3 days a week and it's in the same class, so I feel like I have to have awesome timing in order to not feel bad for seeing my theory teacher. I duno... I need to go to the library and print off my paper. I'm actually pretty excited that I don't have any actual finals. I only have final test. My last test are tomorrow, and next Monday. I've never had a test in theory so... I doubt were going to have one. Actually, come to think of it, we've never had any grades for that class...There's a scarry thought. I have no idea when my last jazz test is either. He doesn't have a scedule for anything, its very frustrating. I really dislike Seigel. Ok...my battery just flashed the 5% battery life left... I guess its time to go to the library and print my paper

Sorry for complaining about school all the freakin time. I don't have a life outside of that and work I dont think.

Much love,
Lots has been going on latley, and frankly I'm not really sure how to look at some of it. I guess I should just start from the beginning and babble a bit and see what happens.

A while ago my brother was dead set on his tattoo. The night before, which was a Monday night, he came in the living room where Alex, my mom, and I were watching the UNC vs. MSU NCAA Championship game. He handed me a list of fonts and asked me to pick one, I was so mad at him that the only thing I could think to respond with was 'they all look kinda gay to me' of course that made him mad, and we started to slightly argue about it, and about how the Declaration of Independence was written in one of those fonts so the men who wrote it and the document must be gay... Awesome conversation I know. I finally got him to shut up with 'well real men don't get tattoos so I guess you're not a real man anymore' Yes I took a blow to my brothers manhood but I really didn't care. If anyone had seen how much of a jerk he was being to my mom about the whole situation, they would have done it too. Because, I'm sorry, I don't care if we did try to hide it from my grandparents, they would have found out at some point. So I didn't see the point in him getting it. His thought process was that well if they got mad at him about it, then they didn't really love him anyways... How awful of a thing to say! How dare he! After everything they have done for us from when daddy died until now, everything they have done, I couldn't believe (and still can't) he had the gaul to say that. He knew that when they found out it was going to upset them so much, and that my mom would have to deal with it (because they would never say anything to him, only to my mom) which would be even more stress on my mom. Then in a few years my uncle would have to deal with Daniel and Phillip about it because of course if Donald does something, that must mean it's ok. Then because it was stressing every one else out of course that is going to get thrown onto me and make me stress, and I'm sorry, I just refused to deal with it. So... yeah I was a little mad about the whole thing. So Tuesday was when he was supposed to be getting the tattoo, and thank goodness the guy couldn't do it. His wife has just had a baby recently and because of that, they're schedules are kind of funny just because they haven't adjusted to it. So Donald asked my mom to go to dinner with him and his girlfriend, Frankie (please don't get me started). Donald and my mom started talking about it because, since the artist couldn't do it on Tuesday, he rescheduled Donald for Wednesday, well when Frankie realized that my mom was so opposed to Donald getting a tattoo, she jumped down his throat with my mom and started talking about how stupid of an idea it was and everything. With all that said and done...after 3 days, and lots of prayer later, Donald decided he didn't want to get the tattoo, and settled for a new pair of khaki shorts, khaki pants, and like 5 polo shirts...all of which my brother NEVER wears. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my brother to dead, I would do anything for him, but his wardrobe consist of band t-shirts that are black, gym shorts, and rainbows (Nikes on cold days). Oh and the Camp Caraway sunglasses which are awesome. So... granted I am very excited that he decided against the tattoo, it would have just been far to much of a hassle. It wasn't the tattoo that I even had a problem, with, it was the attitude that came with it. That attitude of ' I don't care I'm going to do what I want when I want and if it hurts someone in the process oh well I don't care' that attitude of selfishness which is not my brother in any way. I mean... he has his moments but in general hes not an overly selfish guy, so I didn't like that attitude the tattoo brought with it. I also hated to see what doors that closed for him. I mean, yeah the youth pastor he works with at his church has a tattoo on his side but, I don't think the church knew about it when they hired him. I wonder what kind of doors that would shut for him in the ministry world. Tattoos are not overly accepted in the ministry world. Actually I take that back, Jay Baker started his ministry through an underground tattoo parlor and venue in Atlanta. But then again Jay Baker never went to seminary so...there's that. I'm not sure how seminary would receive him, and what doors it would close for him, and I just don't want to see that happen. I know God has an amazing plan for him... I just hope and pray Donald finds it. Cause I fully believe that my brother is called into youth ministry, and I believe that he can do an amazing job, and that he can influence alot of teens... I just ultimately don't want to see him do something stupid to shut those doors on himself. I love my brother, and I want to see him succeed, and I just fear that by him getting a tattoo he won't...or if he does, the struggle to that success will be much harder than God intended.

So... while all this is going on, on Wednesday night while I was at church, Sean (the youth pastor at my mom and mine church) asked me if I wanted to start teaching a Sunday School class for middle school girls in the summer. For some reason, I just automatically responded yes without thinking. I've started helping out in the youth group and its fun, I love those youth. As the night progressed, it started to occur to me...he wants me to teach to middle school girls. Me. Stephanie Bohannon. I can't do that. I still don't think I can do that. I mean... I don't do middle school. I loved middle school, don't get me wrong, but middle school girls? I remember how awkard (spelling?) of a time that was. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are, and who they want to be, and where they're 'place' in their group of friends, and their 'place' in the school is. I remember all to well. If it wasn't for Mr. Williams, my softball coach and FCA teacher, and Mr. Morgan, my band teacher, I don't think I would've survived middle school. I just don't know what to do. I don't know why he asked me. Of all people, I mean there has to be someone else that is more qualified to teach. I mean... I have a great head knowledge of faith and Christ and everything, but as for a heart knowledge, I probably don't have much more than those girls. Sean has me reading a book called "Raise the Bar" about working with youth. I mean... it's pretty intense it really brings to light just how responsible youth pastors, helpers, and sunday school teachers are for kids spiritual well being. I mean... I'm not sure I can handle that, that's alot of pressure. Being responsible for the academic life, sure I can handle that, but their spiritual life? That's on a whole other level. I feel like God has been putting all these things in my lap with Childrens Church, Mission Friends, helping out and hanging out with the youth, and now teaching middle school girls in sunday school... I don't know where He is going with all of this, I don't think I'm cut out for ministry, and I'm really hoping that's not where He's going with all of this. I mean I love the kids I work with, and I love the youth, and I love working with them all. But... I don't want to go to seminary, I just want to work with them. Which... now that I'm thinking about it I'm not sure what the difference is really. I mean short of classes. I want to work with kids and youth, weather thats in a church setting or not I don't care. I would ultimately love to teach elementary school at a private christian school, because you don't have to go to seminary, just a good head knowledge of God and a bachelors in Elementary Ed. That's what I want to do... not seminary and work in a church. If that's where God is headed with this, I'm not sure I'm ok with that. But then again... that's part of having that relationship with Him. He doesnt always give us what we want, at all, but He does give us what's best for us... even if it's the exact opposite of what we want.

This past Tuesday night, Alex and I went to a small group bible study that we've been going to for about a month now. We're going through the book of Jeremiah which, I'm not gonna lie, is my least favorite. I've read through most of the other books all the way through atleast twice. Jeremiah... I don't think I've even read it all the way through once. I've read the whole thing just in very short quick parts, and I never think about what I've read there. Its just...all about perseverance and struggle, and... depressing really. Anyways. In Jeremiah (I don't remember where and I couldn't find it) it talks about how faith and works are go together in a spiritual life. And... I duno, I guess I assumed that in general all baptist thought the same on that. Which he went and proved that wrong. Anyways, the way this guy said some things made me a little irritated. One...the way he described his salvation, and two the way he said that faith and works are so intertwined. Let's talk about the first one. The way he described his salvation was 'a man died for his sins'... that's it. In my opinion he left out the BIGGEST part of salvation! In my opinion salvation is; a sinless man came to earth and walked and preached amongst some of the most wreched people of the time (tax collectors, prostitues, etc...) he was crucified for our transgressions. He took all the sins of the world that had happened, were happening, and are to happen, and took them all on himself to show us that the only way to the Father is through him. Three days later he rose again to show that his love for us conqures all. That death is not the end. That if you have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ that death is not the end, it in actually is just the beginning. To me...that is my salvation Easter. Easter Sunday is what salvation is all about. And he left that part out... Someone who wants to go to seminary, I just don't see how you leave something like that out. Thats what salvation, and Gods love is all about. Tieing into that, he also said that death was the end for humans. Maybe it is for him, I duno. For me, death is nothing, my body is dead, but I'm not. Again, Easter is what it's all about. Jesus rose from the dead so that if I have that relationship with him, I too will spend eternity with him. So...I didn't agree that death was the end. He also made the connection between faith and works. That you can't have faith without works, and you can't have works without faith... Wrong. There are alot of people out there who say 'my faith is personal and private'. There is nothing 'personal' about faith. Never once in the Bible have I seen anything about, keeping your faith to yourself, or making your faith private. Now that's not to say that I think your faith should be all up in someones face, cause I mean that will do no good. Your works are a reflection of your faith. When we die, and judgement day occurs (which I personally think will be in IMAX 3-D and the prophets like Elijah, Isiah, David, Jeremiah, etc... will be helping, I'm callin it now) we will be held accountable for our works. When Jesus ask's us about our works, and we tell him that we kept our faith private and personal, we will be held accountable for it, just as we are for everything else. I think that will lessen the treasures we receive, because thats part of what your works are, a process of storing up treasures in Heaven. It says in Matthew 6:19-20: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moths and rust destroy, and where theives break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy, and theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Yay for memorizing verses in elementary school. Anyways, thats part of what works are. So yes I believe you can have a faith without works. Granted your faith is not effective and you will be punished for it, but you can have it. You can also have works without faith I think. Some of the most 'saintly' people I know have no realtionship with Christ. They know who he is, but the relationship is not there. Some 'Christians' I know do no works. I'll admit that I'm not the most out there, living for Christ, Christian out there, but I don't keep it private and personal. Alot of people unfortunatly think that it is your works you are saved. When judgement day comes and we're standing before Jesus and we say 'Jesus I knew you, I went to church, look at all the mission trips I went on and all the stuff I did for you' His only response for us will be 'Go away you evil do-er I never knew you'. Again in Matthew 7:22-23. "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out deamons?' Then I will tell them plainly 'I never knew you, away from me you evil do-ers!'" Plain as day, it shows that works will not save you. Faith and works are two seperate entities. In Ephesians it says 7:8-9 it says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not of yourselves, it is a gift from God - NOT by works, so that no man can boast" However it does also say in Ezekiel 36:19 it says "...I judged them according to their conducts and their actions" The first half of the verse talks about the whole Babylon thing and when everyone just got dispersed around the countries. I'm not really sure, so I didn't want to add it. But the same concept applies to us today. We are saved by faith and grace alone, nothing we can do will save us. On the flip side of that when judgement day comes we will be judged by our works not by our faith. Therefore our works should be a reflection of our faith, but its not a determinante of our faith. Just as our faith is not a determinate of our works. I don't know if it says this in the Bible but it is my opinion that we will be judged as harshly as we judged those here on earth. So I guess moral of the story is don't be so quick to judge...
Does any of that make any sense? I hope it does and I'm not really confusing anyone who reads this, I would feel so awful. Instead of 'feel' I put 'fill' I'm not sure why haha. But anyways, those are just my opinions and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who disagree with me which is fine I mean people are going to believe what they want. And I didnt write any of this to have people flip out and go bananas on here, I was just simply stating how frustrated it made me because nobody seemed to disagree with me. I would have loved to say something, but I knew that I wouldnt be able to say any of it calmly so I decided to not make a fool of myself and save it.

Now it is time to go read for my EDU class that happens at 2... and catch up on the theory that I am missing

Much love,

2009 National Championship


I dont honstly remember the last time that Tyler looked that happy on television...or his dad for that matter... That was halarious
Something is honest to God wrong with me. I was offered tickets to the Miami AND Clemson game tonight. I had my pick of games, two games that are probably going to be freakin amazing, and what do I do? I turn them down, both tickets. I bet I couldve had both if I wanted. But no, I realized that the Miami game is tomorrow night at 9, and I work until 6 so I couldnt realistically get there in time, and then be back in time for church Sunday morning, safely anyways. Then the Clemson game is Wednesday night at 9 again (God forbid Carolina get a decent hour for a game, like I duno, 6, 7 even) and I have theory at 11, so I couldnt safely get back to Wilmington and be coherent for that. So... I turned down 2 Carolina games because of school...God help me. I swear something is seriously wrong with me. I cant believe I did it, I really cant. I turned down, one of my favorite things because of school. Someone please help me.

But all this is probably because I realize now, more than ever what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Wednesday January 14th I realized exactly what God had been trying to tell me all along. I was at church going to get in line to get dinner (Wednesday night dinners) and some of the girls from my K-1 childrens church class were already in line. I'm walking up and Grayson sees me, and goes "Ms. Stephanie!" Well that makes Hannah, Emma, and Sutton turn around and go "Ms. Stephanie!" They proceed to run up to me and hug me, and tell me how much they miss me and cant wait for childrens church on Sunday. I knelt to the ground to hug them (because for once Im alot taller than someone) and almost burst into tears. 4 little girls, told me they were excited for childrens church. That they were excited to go learn about Jesus!! I have been praying, pleading (and almost to the point of bargianing) with God to just slap me in the face with what he wants me to do. Make it so obvious, and so apparant that nobody in the world could miss it, and he did! Low and behold God did! One of my classes is Early Childhood Education, which encompasses birth - 4 or 5 years old (depending really on the state). I signed up, originally because I needed 12 hours and I thought it wouldnt be to hard, and it may be fun. Right after that is when I started teaching childrens church, and I love it. I honest to goodness love it. I love going in there every Sunday with Grayson, Emma, Hannah, Walker, and even Jacob (who is completely and udderly insane and doesnt know how to listen) I love them. I love all of them more than anything in the world. I dont think anyone will ever understand. So...I signed up for this class, started teaching childrens church, and started really praying, and reading the Bible (verses anyways), and really trying to seek out what God has in store for me. And the more Ive been doing that, the more and more fun childrens church has gotten, and Ive started to say in passing to my mom 'you know, I could really see myself doing this for a living' or 'I could really see myself working with little kids' and Wednesday night it hit me, like a bolt of lightning. And my mom said she thought it too that night. Like, it hit her that this is what I was supposed to do.

I wish I could put into words exactly how it feels to know that your on the path that God has chosen for you. I wish I could put it into words, so that if there is ever a doubt in anyones mind as to what theyre supposed to do, they would hopefully read this and know that if thats not how they feel, then they may or may not be in the right place.

I want to help little kids, I want to be there for that developmental stages. I want to watch kids learn to feed themselves, and learn social skills, and learn how to play with other kids. I want to be there in a preschool class with 3 and 4 year olds as theyre learning their colors, and teaching them that just because another kid is mean to them doesnt mean you bite them or something. I want to help them learn right from wrong, and morals and values, and that they are a unique and intergral part of this world, and how much I care for them. I want to be there for that child that is neglected by their parents because mom and dad are to busy using drugs, or doing somethin haneous. I want to keep that child safe. I want to let that child, who is physically abused by mom or dad, to know that not all adults are like that. And I want them to know that I care about them, and I will do what it takes to get them in a safe place, where they dont have to be afraid, and they can learn and grow like a child is supposed to. Without being afraid of their parents at such a young age... Maybe thats all a little crazy, and maybe I'll just end up teaching preschool, or kindergarten and never end up doing any of that. But I figure if I can help 1 kid, just 1 whether its something serious like getting them out of a bad home life before it gets worse, or something simple as sitting down and reading a story to a class. I want to be there for kids.

Tonight I got to play/hold Sanoye at the church basketball game. Shes, maybe 5 months old. And let me tell you, she is the most precious thing on this earth, bar none. Ive never heard her cry (you know her mother is so grateful for that) and shes always got the most precious smile on her face. Shes at a point where she can 'blow kisses' where basically she clicks her tounge to the roof of her mouth haha its adorable. Anyways I got to hold her and play with her. And I was completely fascinated by her. I was holding her, and just the way she looked at things and touched my fingers and played with (and pulled) my hair. And the way she pulled at my necklace and put everything in her mouth. It was amazing. Just like...you could tell she was trying to figure it all out and see how everything feels and looks and taste (apparantly my fingers taste pretty good, yay for clean hands). And while I was feeding her she watched the guys play basketball, and her eyes are so big so they look like shes just soaking it all up, like shes trying to learn why these people are running around like that, and who they are, what theyre doing, and whats going on. It was amazing, I was fascinated. I didnt want to give her back to her dad, I just wanted to keep her forever. And her brother Gabe whose 3 or 4, is an absolute angel. Hes completely and totally crazy, but hes adorable and he lovesss his baby sister. He told me tonight "Im going to be a good big brother Ms. Stephanie." and I was like really, well how Gabe? And he told me 'Im going to love her more than anyone else' I just thought it was the cutest thing I had ever heard.

So anyways, thats my tangent/rant. It probably doesnt make any sense, I couldnt sleep and felt like updating. I probably sound like one of those crazy girls who just wants a baby. But thats not it, Im no where near ready to have a kid. Although I didnt want to at the time, Im now glad I dont have a 5month old baby. Hah, Id go insane.

Hope everyone is having a great semester! Stay warm!!

Much love,